Jim Tumbls.

lehighvalley:

So, there are reports that between Musikfest, some old car festival in Macungie and the Eagles up at Lehigh University, the Lehigh Valley with have an additional 400,000 people in it this weekend.

Keep in mind that Pedro Martinez is pitching for the Iron Pigs on Friday and the fact that there is some casino in Bethlehem and it’s going to be riDICKulous.

What does that mean besides the inevitable traffic jams, litter all over the place and fat people? What does it MEAN? It means that this weekend will be MATHEMATICALLY the BEST chance you have to do someone all year. There will be no better time this year to break out your best pickup lines or to fake bake.

Think about that. It’s the perfect storm of genitals. Some are better than others, however, so take care.

More than 40,000 people are expected to visit the 46th Das Awkscht Fescht classic and antique car festival at Macungie Memorial Park, and an additional 33,000 are expected to attend the Drum Corps International Eastern Classic regional competition at J. Birney Crum Stadium in Allentown.

Bethlehem figures to be the epicenter, with up to 20,000 expected for the Philadelphia Eagles training camp at Lehigh University and about 300,000 for Musikfest.

Add to that the more-than 15,000 people daily visiting the Sands Casino Resort Bethlehem, and the 10,000 people expected to flock to Coca-Coca Park in east Allentown for Pedro Martinez’s probable rehab pitching assignment Friday with the Lehigh Valley IronPigs, and it figures to be one parking space-taking, road-clogging, hotel room-filling good time.

”This is one of those weekends when I could use a few more floors,” joked the Hotel Bethlehem’s general manager, Dennis Costello. ”But like they say, you don’t build a church for Easter Sunday. We’ll do our best to make hay while the sun is shining.”

As the recession drags on, there have been too many cloudy days for places like the Hotel Bethlehem, where reduced corporate travel has dropped its occupancy 15 percent this year.

This weekend, virtually every one of the Valley’s 5,100 hotel rooms will be booked, said Michael Stershic, president of the Lehigh Valley Convention and Visitors Bureau. Source

Ok, so some predictions.

1. There will be at least one murder, two if the temperatures average over 85 degrees from Friday to Sunday.
2. At least 8 high school kids will be kicked out of the Main Street area of Musikfest by horse cops.
3. At least one horse cop will poop on a kid.
4. Aw Shucks Corn-on-the-Cob will still be the best fucking thing you can put in your mouth.
5. More then 50 % of the people at the Polka Tent are there because they are drunk and got lost.
6. A lot of people will spend time in the Musikfest Merchandise tent because it’s  usually the only one that’s air-conditioned.
7. You or someone you know will pee in the woods because you’re too important to stand in line for the Porta Potties by the Moravian Ruins.
8. You will bump into someone who will give you a dirty look. Then you will be like, “What the FUCK did you expect? There are 400,000 people here!!!!”
9. I will be drunk.

Also keep in mind that the Lehigh Valley with Love Street Team will be roaming around Musikfest giving away stickers and a limited number of T-shirts if you come up and say you read us!